last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
