i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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