just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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