He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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