We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
