We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
