So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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