3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how can u be prego again
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
