I accidentally had phone sex last night
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize