question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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