No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Be still, my beating vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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