Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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