I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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