She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
