I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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