I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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