I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
