My friends, they love my intelligence
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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