I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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