Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
