It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
