Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
