Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
