I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
