I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
