Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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