There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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