I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
As shirtless as possible
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize