So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
