so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
