the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
