It's just like the Real World with babies
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
