I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
