so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
