4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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