highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
