Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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