i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
