Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
