She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
