How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
