True but thats because hes a fetus.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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