Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
