Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
