OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
