what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
