it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
