i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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