So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
