a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
