i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
