She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can I color on your dick again?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
