Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
