Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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