He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
