party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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