last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize