Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
