I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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