time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
