they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize