he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
