are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
