did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize