My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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