If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
