i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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