I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
