Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
